L is for the Losers
Anyway. The Losers.
I'm talking about the 2010 movie, not the graphic novel, which I have not read. (I know, shameful.)
This is not a great movie. It is tonally freaky, one moment fairly standard action-adventure, the next a bizarre satire of that genre. I presume that one or the other of the tones is directly from the comic, and the rest is Hollywood. Sad to admit, but the part I like is probably the Hollywood part. Max is ...too odd, too over-the-top evil to be plausible as a governmental power. (I hope!)
The point being: for a movie that is not great, a movie that I picked up in a $5 bin, I have watched it far more often than there is any reason to. I bought it because I have a weakness for action movies and because it had Papa Winchester in it. I keep watching it because?
Because it's fun. Because I like the team dynamics. Because the soundtrack is clever. Because the characters are charming. (Minus Max, of course, but he's not supposed to be anything but repellent and a little funny.) Because even though the trailer gives away all the best parts, they're still good in situ. Because, occasionally, there are awful moments where you can see how hard the director is trying, and even while you roll your eyes, you sort of feel like saying, "but you tried! and that's the important thing!"
And because, for some reason, I love to watch it and imagine it with an all female Losers team. I like to try to figure out the differences that would require (have to move it to the future a bit, to account for enough women in enough active combat that there could be a special ops group composed entirely of women, but that's okay--the weapon they're trying to contain is futuristic. And oooh, they're already disliked by elements of the government, how would that play genderwise? Innnnnteresting. And what about Pooch, with the expecting wife? Would I switch it to a child waiting on her mama? Or, given the future setting, the elimination of DADT, just leave it as is?). It's fun to play with. I believe that 5 women could be an efficient and lethal, slightly off-kilter and inventive, special ops team. (And probably none of them would wear a mini-skirt, Hollywood, or bitch about whether their camo pants make their asses look fat. Just FYI.) But they'd probably do some things differently, and I like trying to tease out where those changes would be.
And to be honest, I like assembling a dream team of action heroines. I still haven't figured out who would play who, but I have a bunch of candidates.
The Losers are:
Clay, the suit-wearing leader. Oddly mellow, moral, and with a taste for dangerous lovers.
Roque, the badass to end all badasses. Likes blades, himself, and money. Dislikes his boss's habit of sleeping with dangerous women.
Pooch, the uber-competent mechanic and driver. He's like... the best dad ever. Full of "I can fix that!" and wanting people to get along.
Cougar, the mostly silent sniper who doesn't say much, but seems to feel everything. And wears a cowboy hat! (Happy sigh. Yes, I'm shallow.)
Jensen, the class clown and tech guy.
All of whom could play any of the top four.
Then my brain grinds to a halt. I want an actress who can be funny, wisecracking, and still super competent, and oddly, hollywood doesn't much like women in that mold. They like sexy and competent (any Angelina Jolie action role ever) and funny and clumsy (most rom coms). The only wisecracking and competent women I can think of are tv characters, but admittedly, I don't see very many movies in the theaters.
Maybe Kate Beckinsale? Who did funny beautifully in Cold Comfort Farm (though it was deadpan funny), and apparently does action in the endless Underworld series....
Or am I just insane?